


But why is the rum gone - A pirate nightmare

by Mie779



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Jealous Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Parody, Why is the Rum Gone?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-22 19:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mie779/pseuds/Mie779
Summary: Set somewhere after season 5, before Hook and Emma have had time to really work on their relationship…. yes there will be one jealous Killian in the picture. Because even though they live together they are still learning all the kinks and bends in being in a relationship.  The rum will go missing and Killian is not even sorry about that...
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	But why is the rum gone - A pirate nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> A/N
> 
> It is just pure fun and weirdness… I have seen the MEME with Sparrow and Killian where Sparrow asked “But why is the rum gone?” and Killian in the picture below says: “I’m not even sorry…” I LOVE pirates, have since I watched the old Cutthroat Island with Gina Davis, and have fallen in love with Sparrow when those movies where coming out…then I fell head over heals in love with OUAT’s version of captain Hook… and I have always found that MEME funny and it made me want to write this… it took some time… but finished it over the Christmas holidays…   
> This is a Christmas/Birthday gift to a very dear OUNCER friend I got to know through this fandom “swansong28”… she got a sneak peak at this before it got beta read… (a million thanks to “Echo” for helping me with this… ) Hope you all enjoy this bit of “just for fun” fic I wrote…

“Bloody hell Emma,” Killian groaned and plopped down on the couch next to her, “another bloody pirate movie; you can’t honestly want to watch another one. How many did they even make in the bloody series?” 

Emma laughed at his outburst and picked up the remote, flicking through the Netflix menu to find the 3rd movie in the Pirates of the Caribbean saga. She patted his thigh and reassured him: “There are only two more besides this one, I promise. I thought you would like to see how we in the land with no magic portraits pirates.” 

Killian harrumphed while shaking his head, he still didn’t see the big picture in this quest Emma apparently had them on. Just a few weeks ago she had dragged him through some 3 or 4 older movies that all told a very different tale of the whole Peter Pan vs Captain Hook. He could still hear Emma laughing hysterically when he commented on how utterly ridiculous they all had portrayed his moniker. Captain Hook in a poofy wig and ridiculous large hat was more than he could bear. Honestly, who came up with the idea that a notorious and feared pirate would be dressed like THAT, and still be able to keep the respect of friends and foes alike? 

Though this new pirate series had Killian slightly more hooked (pun intended) and he had been intrigued by this Captain Jack Sparrow character, nutty as shit, but still managing to get the job done. Albeit in more unconventional ways. There had been a few laughs while watching the movies and he had learned that his girlfriend apparently has always had a thing for pirates, as she had gushed about how she had loved the movies and the whole pirate set up. When he discovered this he had teased her endlessly about it. Emma had blushed profoundly and just stated that now there was only one pirate in her life.

Him. 

This was reassuring, but he was still going to tease her about her obvious infatuation with that other pirate in the movies. He had come to learn that those moving picture boxes were only meant as entertainment and stories like this pirate saga were fiction, like a book coming to life. 

Killian stole a glance at his girlfriend. They had been together for the better part of 3 months now, still new in ways of fully getting to know one another, but also so far into it that they have shared more than just a bed together. He pulled her closer to his body and got himself ready to watch yet another chapter in the saga of Captain Jack Sparrow’s adventures. 

Emma persuaded him to watch the last two movies also, it was going to be an all-nighter. And when the last movie was playing Killian had moved so he was laying down on the couch and had Emma laying on him. Like this, he tried to stay awake for the remaining movie. But with only one-third of the film left he fell asleep.

\-----

A loud crash and what appeared to be smoke in their living-room woke Killian up and when an unknown voice was heard muttering curses only the meanest pirate would be proud of, Killian went into fight mode in seconds. He reached out for Emma, and when he found her he held her arm and rose from the couch. 

“Who in seven hells are you, mate?” Killian could just barely see the stranger from the smoke still flowing around them. It seemed to originate from their moving picture box, oh Henry would not like it if that box was broken. 

When the smoke finally cleared he could hardly believe what, or, well who was standing in their living room. 

"Jack Sparrow!?" Emma muttered in shock, Killian looked at his girlfriend and saw her gaping at the intruder. Killian shook his head trying to figure out what was going on here... he turned to the man now clearly visible right next to their still slightly smoking moving picture box. 

"Ay, that would be me name my lady and pray tell where has this pirate suddenly been transported to... I was standing on me ship only moments before and poof a cloud of smoke came and now I'm here... wherever the bloody hell this is?" Captain Sparrow waved his hands aimlessly around the room as if he tried to figure out where he was. 

Killian stepped forward slightly in front of Emma, he didn't know what was going on but he didn't want the intruder to hurt her. If Emma was right it seemed to be the very same captain Jack Sparrow as they had just watched in the moving pictures. If he was the very same man Killian imagined that just about anything could and would happen within the next few minutes.... the bloody pirate was balmy as shit, and irrational, who knew what he would do if he found out that he had been taken from a moving picture, Killian didn't imagine that Sparrow knew what that really was, and into Storybrooke.

"You are currently standing in our living roommate, and I have no idea how you ended up here," Killian answered in a firm voice, hoping that the other pirate would not do anything stupid. 

"My apologies good man and lady but this pirate is befuddled, to say the least, I'm not really sure what happened here...but by gods do I need a drink." The wayward pirate shook his head as if to clear it, then he looked back at Killian and Emma. "And your names please, I must know your names now that I in some unknown way have intruded on your premises." Sparrow nodded his head towards them with a polite smile on his lips. 

Killian gathered that he might as well try and be a bit courteous towards their unwanted houseguest.

"Killian Jones is my name, also known as Captain Hook, maybe ye have heard of me? Notorious pirate to sail the seven seas in the realm of the Enchanted Forest." Killian said with arrogance. 

He had no idea why he added the last bit of information. Maybe to try and let the other pirate know that he, Killian Jones, was not someone you messed around with. 

Jack Sparrow looked curiously at Killian and bobbed his head up and down in a rather comical manner and Killian sort of felt as if the other pirate was not really taking him very seriously... It made him bristle slightly. He looked over at Emma and she seemed to enjoy this banter between the two pirates. She had a rather doopy look on her face as she curiously looked at their guest. Killian had no idea why. He scowled at the whole scene and waited for the other bloody pirate to show some manners and be a bit more courteous. 

"Ah there me good man ye are wrong... I've never heard any stories of your oh so brave and wonderful adventures as... what was your name again..." he gave a look to Killian’s hooked arm through narrowed eyes and continued: "Ah yes, Captain Hook! A pleasure to meet you I'm sure..." 

Sparrow took a few steps towards Killian and offered his hand in greeting. Killian thought to himself that at least the wanker had some form of manner. Killian took his hand and shook it. Then he noticed that Sparrow's eyes drifted towards Emma standing next to Killian... Killian didn't like the way the pirate looked her up and down.

"Ah and who do we hav' here... a lovely lass. Is a pleasure to meet you... eh, miss?" Sparrow said in a charming voice dripping with an interest in Emma that Killian didn't not like one bit. Before Killian could retort Emma had stepped forwards and said her greetings to the pirate. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you too Captain Sparrow, I'm Emma Swan." Emma even tried to swallow a small giggle when she shook hands with the wanker. Killian was not pleased, he quickly wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulders.

"She is my girlfriend, mate," Killian said with a slight force. But even this information did not deter the bloody pirate to raise Emma's hand to his mouth and give her a small kiss. Killian could not stop the small growl that came from him and he none too gently pulled Emma slightly away from the pirate. 

"Bloody hell" He whispered under his breath. Then he put on a more friendly face as he did not want the pirate to start swinging his sword around.   
"So tell me pirate do you have any idea how you came to our small part of the world... did some curse happen to ye ship... believe me mate when I tell you that things like this have happened too many a time for us." Killian asked.

Sparrow shook his head, "I have no idea mate." He shrugged his shoulders and looked around their living room curiously, then his eyes landed back on Emma... He raised his eyebrows and asked with a drawl to his voice: "So ye got some rum to drink in this place... I'm parched" 

Emma giggled, and Killian whipped his head around to gauge her reaction to this... her face beat red and she kept a silly grin to her face. Killian stepped away from the pirate and dragged Emma with him.

"What Killian, what's the matter with you? We got a guest, the least we can do is to give the man a drink. Don't you have any rum left or something?" Emma asked with a grin on her face, while she kept looking at Jack Sparrow.   
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you, love?" Killian growled in a slightly angry voice... Emma had never been one to giggle over anything or anybody. 

"Oh come on Killian, we got freakin' Jack Sparrow in our living-room! How or why I have no idea... but look" Emma pointed with a silly grin on her face towards the pirate "He is balmy as shit," She whispered "but come on Killian it's Jack Sparrow... he is one hell of a pirate, you know that, you've seen the movies just now with me... he knows what he is doing. And he's got that special pirate swagger... and believe me, I know pirate swagger when I see it, I live with you don't I?" Emma smiled sweetly up at him and gave him a peck on the cheek then with a silly smile on her face she walked back to Jack Sparrow and said to him in a sweet voice that Killian really didn't like at the moment: "One sec, and I'll see what I can find... I'm sure my dear Killian here has a stash of rum somewhere" Then she waltzed off in the direction of their kitchen. 

Killian grumbled when Emma wanted to find his rum and serve to this self pompous pirate... ha swagger... no way in hell had this pirate the same amount of swagger as he Captain Hook had. He walked over to the man with a scowl on his face but faked a smile hoping that the bloody pirate would just sod off once he had his drink. Killian did not like how Emma looked at the man or how she spoke of him. It was not as if he was used to feeling jealous in the months he had been with Emma... everyone around them knew that they were together and no one had ever made any form of flirting with Emma. Killian hated the feeling he had inside himself at the moment.

Emma came back with a bottle of rum, it was his luck that it was just under half filled. He did appreciate that Emma had had enough mind to actually bring glasses for all of them. He took the rum from her and poured a healthy amount in his own glass and downed it in one gulp, this made Emma look at him funny and with a slight scowl on her face. "Manners, Killian" she hissed under her breath. Killian just grimaced and gave the bottle to Emma so she could pour something for their so-called guest. She gave the bastard a healthy amount of his rum and took a smaller drink herself. Killian took the bottle from her once again and poured himself another drink. 

Emma then suggested that the sodding bastard should sit down. Killian grumbled under his breath and then he had to listen to Emma start on what could only be called an interrogation. She fired question after question about every little tiny detail she had picked up from the movies, she so clearly had seen many times. Killian cringed a little at every new and detailed question, he was not sure this was very polite, she acted very starstruck, to say the least. Killian looked at Sparrow, and the bastard seemed to soak up the attention Emma was giving him, and he answered every question with eagerness and in very elaborate details. 

Sparrow threw in a couple of questions himself, as he was still rather puzzled about how he had come to Storybrooke. Both he and Emma agreed that something had happened and they would be able to figure out the details in the morning.   
Killian gulped down his drink and grabbed for the bottle once more, he smiled to himself as the two others didn't seem to notice him taking the bottle. He poured a drink and with a satisfied smile, he saw the last drops of rum pour down into his glass. 

He sat back on the couch and tried to keep up with their talk... He tried to figure out what Emma's game was in all of this, and he very much thought that she actually was a little starstruck with the bloody pirate... he wasn't even real for crying out loud. Killian then just sat there nursing his drink and relishing in the fact that he knew that the rum in his glass was the last in all their house. 

At one point Sparrow had emptied his glass and looked down into it and asked Emma if he could get a refill. Emma reached for the bottle and Killian could see her surprise at it is already empty, she shot Killian a glare and then said to their guest "Sorry but it seems as if we're out of rum, I'll just go see if we got another bottle." She rose up and shot Killian another angry glare, Killian grinned smugly at her and winked. He knew that they were out of rum but she didn't need to be told that, right now.   
Emma came back with a frown on her face, "sorry about that Captain Sparrow, it seems as if we're all out of rum at the moment." 

"But why is the rum gone?" Sparrow asked with a frown. 

"I'm not even sorry..." Killian said under his breath and did a big number of taking a large gulp of the remaining rum in his own glass. He smiled smugly at the sodding bastard over the rim of the glass. 

Sparrow shot him a curious grin and then turned his attention towards Emma. "Tell me, lass, where does one go to find rum in this realm?"

"Ah that would either be at Grannie's, but she is not open at this hour or The Rabbit Hole. I do believe you'll be in luck there captain. Let me show you the way" Emma said in a way too eager voice. She quickly rose from her seat and before Killian realized what had happened she had her coat on and ready to head out with Sparrow.

"Bloody hell woman, ye are not leaving me alone here are ye?" Killian grumbled and rose from his seat. The rum rushed in his veins but he kept a steady pace and managed to reach Emma before Sparrow had joined her in the hallway. "I don't want ye to go alone with that sodding bastard," Killian stated with a low voice. He held his balance while having his hand on her shoulder. 

"Killian!" Emma hissed under her breath, "Honestly I don't know what has gotten into you tonight, you're not acting like yourself right now!" Emma looked up into his eyes, and then she saw his frown on his face when Sparrow walked into the hallway with his pirate swagger she suddenly knew what was wrong with her boyfriend. She smiled to herself, then leaned up and whispered in his ear: "Oh my god, Killian, I can't believe you're jealous of a fictive pirate. You got nothing to worry about, you're my pirate, always, you know that don't you?"   
Killian was shocked that she had spotted what his problem was, "I bloody hell ain't jealous of that pirate." Kilian grumbled with a frown. "I just don't like the way he is looking at you, that's all." He finished and turned to the pirate in question. 

"So where to lass?" Sparrow asked with a smile as he looked at Emma. A smile Killian very much liked to wipe off his face. 

Killian answered for Emma while he places an arm around her shoulders; "We! We are taking ye to a place called 'The Rabbit Hole' I'm sure ye will like the establishment." 

Then the trio walked out of the house and found their way to the Rabbit hole, it was fairly close to their home. Close to the harbor too, and when Jack Sparrow saw the ships, he exclaimed: "Ah the docks, so tell me Hook what ship is yours?" 

Killian felt a surge of pride rise within him. He pointed out the Jolly Roger for Sparrow and said, "That there is the fastest ship in all the realms, made of magic wood, and does me every bidding, and sails me to whatever port I might wish."   
Sparrow actually did look rather impressed with Killian's presentation of The Jolly.

"Ay, I must say that is some impressive sails ye got there Hook. It must have taken ye on many an adventure I'm sure." Then the captain sighed a bit and added: "Makes me wish I had me ship The Black Pearl." 

This made Emma start rambling on with one of her theories about said ship. Killian sighed in resignation and just kept his arm around Emma as they walked the rest of the way to the bar. He made sure that the other man knew that this lass was taken. 

They walked into the bar and was met by none other than Ruby, well that was bloody rich, the lass was a notorious flirt. But Killian made a note at how Sparrow seemed to pick up once he spotted the brunette with the brightly painted red lips. Well there you go, pirate, a willing lass to you, Killian thought to himself. He refrained from speaking about this to Emma, he just followed them to the bar where Emma greeted her friend. 

Ruby made huge eyes once she was introduced to Captain Sparrow. "Oh, how wonderful to see new male inhabitants in this place, and another pirate at that, I like." She said in a hushed whisper to Emma, but Killian was close by and he heard every word. He grinned at her quip and made sure to place himself so Sparrow was placed next to Ruby.

"So how have you come across our little place in the universe, Captain Sparrow. I know Emma has seen your movies before and talked ALOT about your adventures." Ruby asked the pirate. Then Sparrow started to talk about what he had come across in his quests to find this or that artifact. 

Killian was just so very pleased that the Captain had his attention anywhere else than his girlfriend. Killian leaned over and whispered into her ear "I love you, sorry for being an arse back home." 

Emma turned her head and gave him a smile, "I love you too, and for the record, you are adorable when you're jealous, you know that Killian." She smirked at this, and he harrumphed in indignation. 

"I was not jealous lass, mind ye I did not like him looking like he owned our bloody living room and the way he kept flirting with you." 

"You were jealous Killian, and you know it. But I love you, be sure of that." Emma whispered against his lips before she gave him a kiss that gave no doubt in his mind as to where her love was. Killian dragged her closer as she kept kissing him, he didn't sodding care if that bloody pirate and Ruby were right next to them. When they finally pulled away he looked back towards said pirate and saw that he was now very engaged in a deep conversation with Ruby. And the lass seemed to love the attention she got from the swaggering pirate. Killian was very pleased with how this evening turned out after all. 

He ordered a drink to himself and Emma, and they had a rather pleasant evening together with Ruby and Sparrow. They had no idea how Sparrow had come to Storybrooke and they all agreed that Mayor Mills might not want to be woken from her sleep to sort out wayward pirates in the middle of the night. They had had a few more drinks and by the end of it all, Ruby had placed herself very close to the pirate and proclaimed that she would make sure that Sparrow had a bed to sleep in.

Killian barked a laugh at this and silently was very pleased that this was sorted out, and he and Emma could go home together alone. Emma grinned at her friend and winked, then she leaned over and whispered loudly in her ear.  
"If you need pointers on how to handle a pirate don't hesitate to give me a call or text me." Sparrow grinned smugly at this and had the audacity to wink at Emma while he still held Ruby his side.

"I thank ye lass, but I'm sure this lovely lass here is most capable of taking care of any need I might have for the rest of the night. I thank the both..." he said with a grin. He nodded towards Killian at this and then finished: "for the hospitality, ye showed me, even though someone did drink all the rum." 

Killian laughed at this and nodded his head in respect to the other pirate. Things might not be so bad after all having another pirate in town. It would turn out to be rather eventful he imagined. 

Then the two couples moved in separate directions. Killian could take Emma home to their house and make sure that she knew how much he loved her, and he gave her all the pirate swagger he had within, and it didn't seem as if Emma minded being pillaged and plundered by a pirate that night.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: this is the end… I know it could be the beginning of a fun story… but I don’t have the time for making multi-chapter stories… sorry… but please let me know what you think about this little short and fun story… reviews, please… thanks.


End file.
